This is a hypothetical situation with bits and pieces of real life encounter:
A, B and C are university project group mates for a module. They are not very close friends though they have been acquainted for one year. Initially, everyone is getting along fine. However, after a few weeks, A notices that B seems to detest C. Whenever C starts to make a comment, B will interrupt and stop her from talking. B will also avoid having eye contact with C.
Possible causes: A thinks that B is behaving this way because he gets irritated by the way C keeps babbling about things unrelated to the project. C always has the tendency to sidetrack or suggest unrealistic ideas. Another possible reason is that B and C have very different personalities. B is more serious, prefers to keep things on track, and likes to get things done as soon as possible. C is more outspoken and has a wilder imagination, thus the tendency to sidetrack during discussions.
B feels: “If I do not interrupt C, she will make those unconstructive comments again and we will not be able to keep to our agenda. What I do is all for the good of the project or else we may not be able to meet the datelines.”
C feels: “I don’t know why B is treating me this way. She practically ignores my presence and all the suggestions I have made. I am hurt by her actions.”
A feels: “I am at a loss of what to do. What can I do to resolve the conflict between B and C without hurting the feelings of both?”
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4 comments:
Well, I think A should tell C about her tendency to sidetrack during meeting and that her ideas although interesting, but are not feasible to be applied to the project. C should be informed of her own problems so that she can improve on it. Moreover, she will not be hurt further once she knows the reason why B has been treating her this way. Self-awareness is important for her. A should also let B know that her behaviours have been hurting C's feelings and should also encourage her to give C another chance. Only when both party know what is going on can the tension be relieved.
Hi Xue Xin,
I feel that B should not always condemn C’s comments as there are times when thinking out of the box yields a greater sense of originality for projects. Failure can always occur throughout the project too, and it’s people like C who may come up with alternative suggestions.
I guess the most fundamental thing to do is to lay the cards on the table. Have both B and C discuss why they get uncomfortable with each other. Talking things out will certainly get doubts cleared and allow for compromises among members.
For example, C can learn to be more reserved and focused on the key concepts of the project. If the topic for the project has already been decided, C can instead provide ideas for the project’s theme. She could also consider B’s feelings and keep her comments to herself every now and then.
As for B, I believe she can be more open to suggestions, whether it is constructive or not. Although C’s suggestions may be far-fetched, there may be times when a particular solution may prove feasible.
By permitting both B and C to come to terms with each other, I believe that A would be able to resolve this issue and allow for a more dynamic project team.
Hi Xue Xin,
I think that A could be the middle person between B and C. Having an agenda (and sticking to it) may help to facilitate the project meetings much better. A could gently remind C that she's starting to sidetrack. Also, A could assure C that B is not making a personal attack on her, but it's because of the matter.
On the other hand, A could talk to B in private and ask what is the reason for her snapping at C. Let B understand that her unfriendliness is very well displayed, and that strained working relationship would not do the group any good.
Cheers,
Jaymie
A should have ask both B and C to sit and talk about the problems they have face. C should know that she have been side tracking all this while and B could have understand not to snap at C without letting her know what wrong did she do.
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